January 26, 2012

Out of the Darkness

            Some people don’t understand how much their words hurt. Some people don’t realize that their actions can have an effect on the people around them. I’m all for freedom of expression, but please take a look around before you do something that could be taken offensively.
            Our generation uses expressions such as “kill me now” and hand motions that signal suicide. What some of these people don’t understand is that I’ve been there. I have family members who have committed suicide. This isn’t a joke to me. I know you’re only expressing yourself, or trying to be funny.
            In 1992, before I was even born, one of my cousins shot himself in the mouth. This started as a bottomless threat to get his girlfriend to date him again. He was playing Russian roulette with what he thought was a completely empty gun. Unfortunately, the barrel wasn’t empty. He put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. In 2004, another cousin gassed himself to death. We’re still unsure on why he did it. But no matter the reason, we miss both of them more than anything
            Your hand motions of a gun to the head are hurtful. We aren’t trying to get sympathy. We honestly don’t need it. We’re strong and we’ll get through it. But there are days where we break down. Watch yourself. Don’t be an ignorant person.
            Out of the Darkness is an organization for the prevention of suicide. Once a year, some of my cousins and other family members take part in a walk to raise money for this organization. 84.4% of the donations made to Out of the Darkness is used for the Out of the Darkness walks and other events, while the remaining 15.6% is used to keep the organization a part of American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
            To make donations or sign up to walk please visit the Out of the Darkness website at http://www.outofthedarkness.org/

            Rest in Peace Sam and Buzz! We love and miss you so much!

September 29, 2011

What Becomes of the Brokenhearted...

I love you, more than anything. You're name gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. My heart beats faster and harder at the same time. I'd give anything to never feel like this. Never once has a guy made me feel so low. No one has made me feel like I didn't matter. No one has ever built me up the way you did. No one has built me up and then tore me down the way you did. No one has ever given me so much and yet nothing. I can't even begin to explain the pain I go through every single day. You hurt me more than anyone ever has. I know I have to move on, but the fact that I have to move on without the person who means the absolute world to me is destroying me. You've ignored me. You've told me how much you cared about me then took it all away. Everything I've ever done has been ruined. I love you so much, but I'm done chasing after you.

"I love you. When I wake up in the morning, I think of you. When I go to bed, I think of you. But if you want to walk away, I won't chase you anymore. I'll be fine, whether it's with or without you. I'd like it to be with you, but if not, it's fine." - Jersey Shore